New Scene
by crazier than thou
Summary: A scene that I thought about while reading New Moon, inserted on page 352 after Jacob finds Bella at the beach. Jacob and Bella are doing homework and Bella is reminded of her last happy day with Edward.


A/N: This scene just popped into my head when i was re-reading new moon, and i couldn't help but put it down in writing. Hope you enjoy it!

After Jacob and I walked back from the beach we went straight to his house. He needed sleep, badly. It didn't take long for him to stop protesting and lay down on the couch. I sat on the floor in front of the couch, watching mind numbingly boring house renovation shows, while he snored. It was late afternoon by the time Jacob finally woke up, happy to see that I was still sitting there.

"Good nap?" I asked him.

"You're right, I needed that." He smiled. His face already looked better, less drawn, and the dark circles were less pronounced under his eyes.

"So, I was thinking…" I hesitated, I knew he wouldn't enjoy my suggestion, but we needed to be responsible. "When's the last time you did any homework?" I waited while Jacob's face scrunched up in disgust and then smoothed.

"Oh, come on Bella! You can't honestly think homework is important with everything else that's going on?" Even though the thought of the danger lurking in every corner was terrifying, I knew Jacob was just using this as an excuse. Leave it to him, the constant sun in the darkness, to use it to his advantage. I could see the smile threatening at the corners of his mouth.

"Nice try. Well, even if _you_ don't want to, I know I have loads of homework that I _have_ to do. If you really don't want to, I guess I could go home and do mine…" I knew it was an empty threat. It was well established that the safest place for me to be was in La Push, and I really didn't enjoy the idea of going home any earlier than was absolutely necessary. I'm sure Jacob could tell that I wasn't likely to leave just for homework, but he seemed as if he didn't want an argument so he agreed.

"_Fine_…homework it is." He said, huffing the 'fine'.

"Ok, good. I'll go grab my stuff."

I got up and headed for the front door, my school bag was sitting in my truck. I was almost positive I heard Jacob grumble something about school being the least of his worries as I stepped through his front door.

We had all of our books spread out over the Black's small kitchen table. I was working on an English essay that was due the day spring break was over. I would never understand why teachers assigned so much work when it was supposed to be a break from school. From what I could tell, Jacob was working on an English assignment as well. Every few minutes I could hear him sigh and would see him flip back a few pages in the massive book of Shakespeare plays he was reading.

"I hate Shakespeare." He finally said, slamming the book shut and looking up at me. "It makes no sense, I mean, speak English!"

I had to laugh at his outburst.

"It _is _in English, Jake. Here, what are you reading? Maybe I can help." I reached for the book he'd slammed, but he pulled it away and threw it into his backpack.

"Forget it. No more reading that stuff." He grimaced, and I could tell he was done with Shakespeare, I wasn't going to press the matter. "I've got a better idea…" The corners of his mouth turned up. "Wait here, I've gotta go get something from Embry's…I'll be back in two minutes"

I had no idea what was he needed to get so badly, but I could last two minutes alone. The look on Jake's face made me a little nervous, like he was proud of what he was cooking up in that mind of his. That frightened me. Oh well, I thought, I was sure it couldn't be anything too awful.

"Yeah, alright…what're you planning?" I had to ask.

"Nothing, just time to break a few rules…" And with that he got up, pulled his shirt over his head so that he was just wearing his cut-off jeans, and left out the back door.

"What…" I didn't have time to finish my question, he was gone.

I sat staring at the back door, wondering what on earth was going on. Before I could come up with any good theories Jacob was back, brandishing a videotape that had no label or cover.

"What's that?" I asked, curious, as he put his shirt back on. A movie wasn't breaking any rules…except that we were _supposed_ to be doing homework…

"It's homework, only, the kind of homework I'd prefer…" Jake smiled wide. I laughed, wondering what homework this was replacing. I had to agree I was getting tired of staring at books as well though. A movie would be a welcome break. "Go on into the living room, I'll grab some popcorn and drinks."

I waited with him instead, listening to the popcorn pop, and wondering what movie it was. We each grabbed a soda from the fridge and went in to the living room. I plopped down onto the sofa, putting my drink on the coffee table and getting comfy as Jacob fiddled with the VCR. When he had everything working he came to sit beside me and I waited for him to hit play.

"I watched part of this with Embry and Quil the other day, so I'm gonna start it from where we left off, but I'm sure you'll know exactly what's going on…" His smile made me unsure and I could feel the hint of a humorous insult in his words. What movie would he think I knew well enough to just pick up half way through?

Before I could voice my concerns he hit play on the remote and I waited. When the picture finally showed up on the screen, I could almost hear my heart stop beating. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes went wide. This was some sick twisted joke. It had to be. But then, Jacob would never do something like this to me knowingly, and there really was no way he could have possibly known how seeing even that tiniest glimpse of that movie could have affected me. I immediately curled my arms around my chest, fighting the impulse to crack right there. Breathe, I told myself. I couldn't go to pieces in front of Jake. I used what little breath in had in my lungs to find an escape.

"I need a glass…" I said, trying to sound as normal as I possibly could, and pointed at my soda can. Jacob gave me a strange look, knowing I had never required a glass to drink a soda before now. I turned and got up so quickly that I was surprised I didn't fall or trip on my way to the kitchen. Once I made it through the doorway my mind started buzzing. Memories of watching that movie, having _his_ cold, hard arms circling my waist – instead of my tiny useless arms that provided me no comfort now from the onslaught of pain – flooded into my head. I remembered that day clearly, it was the last happy time I'd had with him before… I couldn't think about. I could hear him repeating Romeo's lines in my ear, not in the voice I longed for with my hallucinations, but in that distant vague way that did no justice to his true voice at all. Every inch of my body was trembling.

Why that movie? Why now? I needed to hold it together, I knew that, but I just couldn't. The lump in my throat was more prominent every second and I could feel the tears in my eyes beginning to spill over. I should have known better, I should have asked about the movie. I could feel my teeth chattering quietly as I tried to repress the sobs that now threatened in my throat.

Everything in the kitchen slowly started to spin. I was acutely aware of Jacob waiting for me to return, and I knew that he would come looking for me if I didn't return soon, but I just couldn't. I didn't want him to see me like this, to see how badly damaged I truly was. It was my pain, not his. He didn't need this. I shook my head and made my way for the back door, fresh air would help. I hoped. As I stepped outside into the dreary evening I could feel the rain hitting my face. Something about the new cold water on my face broke my resolve. I was standing in the middle of Jacob's back yard, and before I knew it my knees were on the wet grass. I sat there for a few seconds, the pain taking complete hold of me as I went to pieces. I pressed my arms as tightly to my chest as I could, the pain it caused in my ribs a welcome distraction.

I thought I heard someone shout my name, though I couldn't be sure. My eyes were closed and I could hear my sobs breaking through the noise of the rain. I wasn't entirely aware of the other set of arms around my waist at first, the pressure of my own confusing my mind. However, I did notice when my legs straightened out and I could tell I was standing, though I had made no conscious effort to do so. I realised quickly that it was Jacob's arms that were surrounding me, and that it was his chest that I was now sobbing into. He held me incredibly tight, so tight that my arms unwrapped themselves from my torso and wrapped instinctively around his. I knew these were not the arms I wanted, but then I also knew that the arms I wanted were never coming back. This knowledge tore at the edges of the gapping hole in my chest like nothing ever had. My arms tightened around Jacob, to the point that I'm sure he was in pain too. I felt his left hand rubbing against my back, and I could hear his voice in my ear.

"Bella…" I knew immediately that this was bad. This was my pain, not Jacob's, yet I could tell how much this was hurting him to see me like this. His voice was riddled with worry, and a pain that I wasn't used to.

"I…I'm…" I started, trying to calm myself enough to say what I wanted to. "I'm so…so sorry!" The words came out in between sobs, and then I buried my face as best I could into his chest again. I needed to calm down, to stop showing Jacob how badly I was broken, but nothing I did helped. I couldn't get enough air to fill my lungs, my heart felt as though it was in a million pieces. And I was angry, angrier than I had been in a long time. This was definitely not like he'd never existed, this was exactly like he'd _been_ my existence and now there was nothing.

"Shhh…Bella…it'll be okay." Jacob's voice in my ear was trying so hard to sooth me, to help me through this. "Just let it out…" He said.

Let it out? I'd never given myself the option before, I had always held it in, at least until I could be alone. I didn't think letting it out was going to make one once of difference. He didn't know that I could let it all out now, but it would be for nothing. The next time I thought of him it would all resurface again, the pain threatening to swallow me into darkness. But I had no choice right now, nothing I could do would stop this, I would cry until there were no more tears to cry. Until my body couldn't sacrifice any more water, and even when that happened, I would still shudder with dry sobs until exhaustion overwhelmed me. This was my life. If I couldn't keep it together even with Jacob holding me, tightly enough that it felt as though I were standing on the surface of the sun, I didn't know what hope there truly was of ever functioning again.

I don't know how long we stood in the rain, me holding onto Jacob for dear life, and his arms trying desperately to cover the gaping hole in my chest. When I finally opened my eyes it was black outside. There were no stars visible tonight, and the rain continued to fall heavily on my skin. I loosened my grip on Jacob slightly and took as deep a breath as I could manage. There were no more tears, and the sobbing had turned into a soft but constant tremor. I stared at the ground, afraid to look at Jacob's face and see the horror there that I was expecting. I shuffled my feet slightly, pulling my body weight away from Jacob. He had been supporting me this whole time, and I hadn't realised until now. My own legs were shaky and I swayed slightly. Jacob's arms stayed tight around my waist. He pulled one hand from my back and brought it under my chin, tilting my head up to his face so I could see his eyes.

It wasn't what I was expecting. His eyes weren't filled with horror, but with an understanding deeper than I could have imagined. He gave me a very small smile and I felt some of the anxiety I was feeling ebb away.

We stood for a few more minutes, arms around each other. It didn't bother me like I knew it should. I could feel the cool breeze on my legs and I was thankful for the warmth Jacob's body provided. I looked again at the sky, only then realizing how late it must be.

"Charlie!" I exclaimed, knowing I should have been home a long time ago. I pulled away, panicking at the late hour.

"He stopped by, I told him it was okay and he didn't hang around. Your crying scared him away, I think." The humour in Jake's voice at the end was surprising. I could understand though, if Charlie had seen me like this I was sure he'd be at home thankful that Jacob was taking care of it and that he didn't need to watch me fall to pieces.

"He stopped by? I didn't realise…" I trailed off, my voice weak.

"Yeah…s'ok…you weren't really paying attention." He said quietly, seeming to know that telling me how badly I'd broken down was a bad idea, and I was grateful.

"Sorry…" Was all I could manage. I looked at my feet again.

"Don't be…It's not your fault." He pulled my face up to look at his again so he could make his point clearer. I didn't have enough energy to argue, though I knew it _was_ my fault. I should have been able to hold myself together better.

"Come on," He said. He turned us towards the house and pulled me along with him. He kept his arm around my waist as we walked back into his house. Billy wasn't there. I guessed he had taken one look at the scene in his back yard and found the quickest escape possible. "You're drenched, I'll get you some dry clothes."

"I'm okay." I said, though clearly not with enough force because Jacob just laughed and led us to his room. He sat me on his bed as he dug through the tiny dresser that just barely fit in his room. He threw a pair of sweatpants at me and an old t-shirt I was sure would never fit him now.

"There, put those on." He smiled and left the room. I didn't hesitate; I was freezing now that I didn't have Jacob's always-too-warm body near me. When I finished I put my wet clothes on the floor and sat back on the bed, staring at the wall in front of me. There was a poster on it, though I wasn't paying enough attention to know what was on it. Being alone was painful, and I could feel my heart starting to race and my breathing getting shallow again so I got up quickly and flew to the door. I wrenched it open, pain and anxiety ripping through my chest, and my eyes scanned wildly for Jacob. He was sitting patiently in the hallway. He looked up at my face and got up quickly. His arms went around my shoulders and he leaned his head to my ear.

"It's okay Bella, relax." He whispered.

I simply nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak. As the warmth of his arms swirled over me I did calm down though. I was surprised, expecting another wave of emotion. It didn't come. I blinked and tried to focus.

"I'm sorry Jake." I said, knowing that 'sorry' wouldn't really cut, but not knowing what else to say.

"You don't have to be sorry. I shouldn't have put on that movie…" He started.

"No, it's not your fault. It's just…memories." It was the best I could manage right now. I really didn't want to explain those memories in detail. "I watched that with him once." I clarified. He deserved as much of an explanation as I could handle to give him.

"I figured." Jacob laughed. He was my perpetual sun. Even now, when he'd seen me at my worst, here he was, laughing. I broke a smile at that. "It's okay you know…to cry. I can see how much pain you're in, and how much you try to hide it. You don't have to, not with me. I'd rather you get it out, let me help you." He said, and I could see in his eyes he truly meant it. "It's what friends are for, right?" He smirked and was laughing again.

He pulled me into his chest tighter and hugged me.

"Thanks, Jake." I sighed. I felt better somehow. I knew I would never let myself go to pieces like that again in front of him, but knowing that I hadn't scared him off was comforting.

We walked back out to the living room and sat on the couch. I was exhausted. Emotional breakdowns really took their toll on your body.

"You look exhausted." Jacob stated the obvious.

"Yeah, who knew crying for hours on end could tire you out?" I said sarcastically, and then I smiled. Not a fake smile either, but one of the ones that only came out when I was with Jacob. I felt better than I could have expected, there was still a dull aching in my chest that I was sure would last longer than I wanted, but it was nothing compared to the feelings that lingered after my break downs I'd had alone. It was still one of the longest nights of my life though.


End file.
